Idle Speculation

It’s a new blog; we start in media res...

For some reason, no one thinks McCain will run with Huckabee. If that’s the case, then congratulations to Mike Huckabee, because he has really screwed McCain. Apparently, McCain is as bad a Republican as he is a human being. Given that, Huckabee seems like the natural VP choice. He has God’s endorsement on all issues, and, like McCain, is certifiably crazy, only in a more GOP-centric way. Evidently, though, he raised Arkansans’ taxes once too many and didn’t send enough of his fellow citizens to the electric chair, so he has no credibility with the base.

It’s a peculiar time when an ordained Baptist minister who doesn’t believe in science, and who has promised to close the IRS, secure Constitutional amendments banning abortion and gay marriage, avoid diplomacy at all costs, and build a wall along the Rio Grande isn’t considered conservative enough to be a real Republican. Oh, and also, he plays bass guitar. Awesome.

To return to the running-mate issue, McCain has real problems. He forgot the PEMDAS of electoral politics, which is that you run to your base in the primary, then to the middle in the general. Now he’s faced with having to win over the hearts and minds of his party after gaining the nomination.

On top of his unpopularity with voters, he supposedly has a violent temper and a generally nasty disposition that has left him largely reviled in both houses of Congress, so lawmakers aren’t exactly lining up to be paired with the man in a rough year for Republicans.

Maverick’s natural choice for a Goose would have included the soon-to-be retired Nebraska Sen. Chuck Hagel, but he’s a party pariah and, on those, the GOP has a strict limit of one per presidential ticket.

Lieberman would have been a killer selection with independent voters (or at least those who love intractable wars and hate rational thinking), but again, he needs a hard-liner now. Neither man is truly a “moderate,” and in fact Lieberman might be more of a Republican than McCain, but on that ticket, image is everything. That will really cost McCain in the end. McCain-Lieberman would have made for a horrible presidency, but also would have had a great chance at winning the general election.

Schwartzenegger would need an amendment, and that ain’t happening by November.

So, with no make-up sesh with Romney on the horizon, who might it be?

Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty has been getting some mentions, but that idea seems awfully dull. He’s from a state the GOP desperately covet in a presidential election, but has had a fairly controversial administration and is not particularly strong on any one issue. However, he’s also one of McCain’s national co-chairs, and seems to have set himself up to balance his ticket on the right side, so he’s the most likely.

Lindsey Graham is a big surrogate, and hasn’t left McCain’s side in what seems like weeks, so he could already be the running-mate. He’ll be on the short list at least. He’s southern and very conservative (what up, base?), so he makes plenty of sense. But, as is the case with Pawlenty, he just isn’t much fun to think or talk about.

My dark horse pick is George Allen, about whom scarcely a word has been said since November 2006. As a Governor and a Senator, he had been considered a GOP golden boy for the better part of a decade. If not for one extremely racist slip-up, he’d likely be testing language for his convention speech right now. He’s certainly popular enough with conservatives, and, more importantly, he’s young. When your nominee will turn 73 next year, it’s useful to have a vigorous presumptive future nominee on the ticket.

The most disturbing prospect came out of this week’s Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). We now have a small but vocal group of conservative hard-liners who are pushing for Condoleeza Rice. Neocons, enjoy your dream ticket of ignorance and foolhardiness: McCain-Rice ’08!

The group (it might actually be just one guy, or Condi herself) even has its own non-catchy slogan, “Think Condi ’08” and a website: thinkcondi.com. According to the website, she’s a great candidate for the following reasons:

Foreign Policy Experience
Support of the 2nd Amendment

The latter is a fine assertion, but as for the former...how did all that foreign policy she experienced work out? Oh...right. It’s a little sad that the GOP has beaten the bushes to find an acceptable VP candidate, and rejoices over finding a person with exactly two minor qualifications.

The website itself is really something to behold. It includes a “Headlines” section with a link to this inauspicious article, and an “Issues” section which reads, simply: Coming Soon!

I think they’ve made a more accurate commentary than they intended.

And now, in closing, some fun with punctuation:

“Think Condi.”
“Think, Condi!”
“Think ... Condi?”